Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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