I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
