my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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