My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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