The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
