Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
