i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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