So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
