i just had sex bonerless
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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