the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
