We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
