Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
