I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We left the knife in your bed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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