Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
