Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
