shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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