and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
