even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
