The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FUCK WHALES
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
