The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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