Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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