Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
