im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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