I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
