i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
