you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
