You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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