literally had 100 drinks last night.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
