Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
