i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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