we're blogging at a bar
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
