I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
