i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
