After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
