omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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