did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
