she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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