ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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