Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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