I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
