I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
