I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
