oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
