I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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