I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
