The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
