if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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