Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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