I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
