Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
